Throw Him a Bone & Give the Father of the Bride a Duty that Doesn’t End with a Dollar Sign

January 26, 2011

photo courtesy of zazzle.com

My dear Uncle Rich (whose daughter, Kimmi, was previously featured on the blog) is a wonderful, wonderful man.  Next in line after my dad in the army of Kidwell siblings, he was born with a smile on his face and a jive in his step.  He always has a funny joke to tell, a humorous story to recount or a helping hand to offer, and every now again, he even likes to provide us with an infinite word of wisdom.

So, shortly after the eldest of his three daughters got married and I got engaged, Uncle Rich offered some of this infamous wisdom to my Papa.  “Bill,” he said.  “In regards to your daughter’s upcoming nuptials, there’s only one thing as the Father of the Bride you need to know… Just Shut Up and Pay!“  Haha!

Obviously, albeit humorous and good spirited advice, this is hopefully not the only advice or role brides-to-be want for their fathers.  But sadly, despite our greatest efforts and intentions, many will inevitably end up feeling just like that…  Hence, why it’s so important to make sure all FOBs feel like an essential part of the team and not just a piggy bank. 

Give your daddios a job / a task / a duty – no matter how big or small – to make sure he knows he’s needed :)  If he has a sweet tooth, why not let him pick out a cake flavor?  Or, if you have a papa who’s particularly picky about his wardrobe, how about letting him offer advice on the tuxes?  Why not let him be a part of the excursions that interest him?  Choosing a band.  Or a mode of transportation, etc.  One of the many tasks I asked of my dad was to pick out the song we danced too.  He loved it!

Of course, for any FOBs out there who happen to read this and mayhaps start to feel a little overwhelmed, might I offer a bit of cheer?  I’ve been married for well over a year, but it wasn’t until a couple months back that my mom told me a story…  

After all the months of preparation, paying, checking in, paying, scheduling, PAYING, my Papa and I still had the long 125 foot aisle journey surrounded by teary eyed friends and family to walk down before he could give me away.  Once we reached the end – fully aware of all the dollars he spent – and he gave me away, my Papa quietly took his place in the pew alongside my mom.  She reached out for his hand and looking up proudly heard him whisper, “Worth every penny.”

Filed under: Wedding Etiquette

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